Interviewing Relatives

12 Tips for

Interviewing Relatives

Before you begin interviewing a relative about his or her life, define your goals and decide the following things:

Will you focus on the person’s entire life or just a portion of it?

Who is your audience? In other words, who will have access to this person’s story?

If negative material comes up, how will you deal with it?

Will the stories you’re told be published, made available to a select few, or kept private?

Inform the storyteller about the purpose of the interview and who will hear or see it. Remind the person that this interview is for only those people he designates to read and understand.

Interview the person alone in a quiet room of her home, away from other people, noisy appliances, ringing phones, and interruptions.

Use a good tape recorder with a separate microphone. Test your equipment before going to the interview and periodically throughout. Bring extra batteries and tapes. Check the recorded sound level to make sure it’s loud and clear.

Listen attentively and let the person talk. Don’t interrupt. Give the person time to call up memories. Pay attention and show interest. Don’t rush to the next question. Strive for objectivity, even though it’s difficult. Practice keeping quiet, no matter what the person says.

Show respect for the person’s integrity and choices even though you may disagree with him. You’re trying to record the narrator’s story from his point of view for future generations, not to “correct” him. Save your opinions for your own story.

If a person’s account of an event differs significantly from the historical record, gently tell her, and ask if that’s how she remembers it. Often people honestly don’t remember exact dates or sequences of events. Gentle questioning can help discover the proper facts and sequence.

If a person refuses to talk about a particular subject, respect her wishes.

Reassure her that you won’t force her to say anything.

Point out that it sometimes helps to review painful periods and that her survival techniques can be a valuable aid to future readers when they go through dark times.

Offer to skip the topic and stick to areas she feels comfortable talking about. As she relaxes and begins to feel more confident, she may reveal more on the subject.

If the person is reluctant to begin the interview, here are some tips for getting him started:

Ask him to confirm or counter what someone else has said.

Show him books or tapes of others, rather than starting with his own story.

Assure him that he can edit the transcript of his interview before it is shared with anyone.

If the person insists that no one would be interested in her life story, tell her that everyone’s life is valuable to future generations—the challenges they faced, the obstacles they overcame, their talents, their principles, their decisions. No matter how “ordinary” you might think your life is, it’s extraordinary to your descendants, to historians, and to future readers.

If the person refuses to be interviewed, respect his wishes. Give him time to think it over, and then try one of the following:

Write a heartfelt letter stating your reasons, ideas, and feelings, and telling him how much his story would mean to you and to future generations.

Try again at a later time. Time can change people’s perspectives and give them the distance they need in order to talk about painful events.

If the person wants to put off being interviewed until a later time, remind him that memories fade with time, and the farther away we get from events, the hazier they become. It’s best to record them now.

Hiring a Personal Historian may be a better way to obtain a relative’s story because:

Family members are often more open with strangers.

Personal historians are skilled at drawing out reluctant speakers and making them feel comfortable. Also, just knowing that a stranger is interested in hearing a person’s stories encourages him to speak.

The storyteller will give more details if he knows that the person is hearing the story for the first time. These details can bring the story to life.

When you interview your own family, you’re going to hear family secrets―stories you may not want to hear. You cannot remain neutral. Like it or not, you’re going to have an emotional reaction. Personal historians are non-judgmental and have more practice in remaining non-emotional and supportive.

Most people need the motivation, structure, prompting, and encouragement that an experienced personal historian can give them.

By Sharon Waldman, Family Chronicles and

Lolly Gold, Links from Generation to Generation

You can find the right personal historian for your needs in our Membership Directory.